December 21, 1960 was a chilly 46 ° F
night when I was born at 9:01 PM at Greenpoint Hospital in the
Greenpoint section of Brooklyn, NY. Other than my birth, nothing
remarkable happened on this day in history. I was the youngest of
five and the third boy. The youngest three had a different father
than the oldest two. My father was 32 and my mother 36.
I have a few memories from the youngest
years of my childhood. Some good. Some bad. Very bad. The very
bad was something that should never happen to a child. The result
from it filled me with shame, made me extremely shy, and caused me
grow up to be hyper self-protective. That, plus my father not being
there since before my birth, put me on a lifelong search for
acceptance and love. I've found acceptance from family, friends and
most importantly, myself, but the love I've searched for has thus far
eluded me. I'm no longer adversely affected by it, but at two years
past the half century mark of my life it has thus far eluded me.
I recently confronted an adult who knew
what happened to me yet did nothing. The adult did not remember and
based on the adult's present condition I believe it. What that did
for me was to finally allow me to close that door to my past and put
me on a path of continued healing and growth. The abuse had negative
effects on my personality and emotional development. However, it had
some very positive effects. It developed in me a strong sense of
empathy. It made me want to help people. It made me a good listener
and it made me very sensitive to the needs of others. Also it made a
very passionate, creative person. Most importantly, it opened in me
the ability to love intensely, divinely. A love people rarely
experience.
From that awful childhood experience I
take only the good on my continued journey and leave behind the bad.
On my 52nd birthday I will enjoy diner and the company of
some of my family. I will be blessed to share it with my sister
Marty, who I share a special bond with. The next day I will have fun
at a Winter Solstice party where there will be another birthday cake
for me. It's going to be a great weekend.
I love you all. Be Blessed!
Rafael.
